/ Rula De (Writer), Jaiden McCrann (Illustrator)

Poetry1 min reading time

No. 2

A woman is laid-back on the roof of an orange car. There are cyan and purple question marks above the car.

You know those idiots
That stayed in their small towns
While we all moved away; the ones
That stayed home and we said
They’d be going nowhere

Do you think those idiots are happier
Than us
Do you think they’ve found their people, found a group to grow with
Do you think the bonds we make will really last because

Lately I’ve been thinking about the years between 30 and 50
And how lonely they have the ability to be

I can build a safety net of money
But I don’t know if I’ll be happy
I wish I could guarantee myself
A lover and a child
To hold when I have nothing left

Do you think they’d be okay
Knowing they were my backups

But lovers leave and children die
And life’s just a game of uncertainty, I suppose
If I give each version of myself
The responsibility of being happy in the now
Then maybe the nows could add up to forever

I wish I could create a surplus of happy
Bottle it up
And save it for later
Just like I do with everything else
But there are no guarantees in this I guess

No way to know for sure where I’m going
So why do we live on
I mean, do we have a choice?

I suppose death’s always an option
But it seems silly to reduce
Every possible timeline that could occur
To one
I could do so many things; there’s so many
Branching possibilities
It is scary to eliminate any because
I don’t know which one I’d want

But I guess ultimately that’s
The only way to take control

The only way to know how the story ends is to end it yourself
But Is that power worth it? Is a car in the midst of a journey
Expected to crash because you don’t know where it will go

But back to the idiots
I think they’re happy
And I envy what they have
But I suppose I couldn’t wish it
On myself.